everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
