I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
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