I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
Randomize
