the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
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So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
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College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
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