So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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