I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
She's not a foreskin expert like you
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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