Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
Randomize
