you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
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