I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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