I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Randomize
