think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
The adults are the big ones right?
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Randomize
