All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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