why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
Help. Why am I so naked?
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
