connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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