K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
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