His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
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