i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
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