I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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