Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Randomize
