He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
Randomize
