the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
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