he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Randomize
