I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Randomize
