We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
Randomize
