You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
Randomize
