She is in my trunk
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
Randomize