lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
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