i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
