I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
Randomize
