We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
Randomize
