Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
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I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
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He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
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