Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
