i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
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