i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
i just sent this text using only my big toe
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
