Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
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