why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
