i jhust puked up my retainher.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
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