Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
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