I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
Randomize
