just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
