We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
Randomize
