His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Randomize
