i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
do herpes really smell.
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
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