We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
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