Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize
