I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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