i think i have herpe
just one?
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
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