took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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