it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
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Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
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