I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Randomize
