thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Randomize
