Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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