U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
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