I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
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