We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
they're like a gay fantastic four
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
