Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
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