Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize