Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Randomize
