Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
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