I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
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