the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
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I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
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Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
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